Top Five Status Messages You May Have Missed August 17 2020

 Top Five Status Messages You May Have Missed This Past Week August 17 2020
5.  Imagine how cool it would be if we lost weight every time we farted.
4.  I turned off my TV today and made my kids play board games like it was in 1955.  Now I know why all our grandparents are alcoholics.
3.  People with LED headlights: I'm super happy that you're able to see the hair on a raccoon's asshole from a mile away but I can't see.
2.  Just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the woods.  Her boyfriend would've done it but he's out of town.
1.  If I walk into a barber shop and the barber is bald then I’m leaving...what the fuck do you know about hair?