Top Five Status Messages You May Have Missed This Past Week August 17 2020
5. Imagine how cool it would be if we lost weight every time we farted.
4. I turned off my TV today and made my kids play board games like it was in 1955. Now I know why all our grandparents are alcoholics.
3. People with LED headlights: I'm super happy that you're able to see the hair on a raccoon's asshole from a mile away but I can't see.
2. Just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the woods. Her boyfriend would've done it but he's out of town.
1. If I walk into a barber shop and the barber is bald then I’m leaving...what the fuck do you know about hair?