Top Five Status Messages You May Have Missed This Past Week August 10 2020

 5.  Is it wrong to follow rioters home and burn down their property....asking for a friend
4.  Dudes be 30+ with their middle finger up in every photo, what are you so mad at? Your credit score?
3.  Just got kicked out of church for screaming "Fuck the Devil", like I thought we hated his ass
2.  Jehovah Witnesses seemed a little shocked when I asked them if they were here for the orgy.
1.  I'm in big trouble if my coworkers ever find out I don't really have Tourette's.